you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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