dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
