what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
