You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
