I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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