I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
