I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
