chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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