i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
where are you?
Hypothermia
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
