Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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