Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
