My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize