my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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