spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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