I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
