I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
