Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
