Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
