This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
