I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
