I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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