what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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