you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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