i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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