He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
