my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
