Will you blow on my dice?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
