just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
