I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize