My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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