Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
