Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
