Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
