I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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