All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
