I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
