Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I lost the right to judge tonight
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
