when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
