I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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