got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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