How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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