Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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