no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
