i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
