hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
