if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
