Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
