Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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