I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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