remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Green mimosas i think yes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
