just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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