6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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