i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Success! We fucked roommates!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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