there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize