Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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