Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
