How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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