I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
