Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
