She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
