True but thats because hes a fetus.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need water and some morals
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
