when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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