There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
