also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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