CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
